im never good at conversation, its a problem since way back, was few years back. past: got fooled by some gal while toking to her on the fone. talking to her was lik talking to the wall, the last chat, i ask her wad did i say juz now and she could not ans.
hurt. was i? yes if it was the past. now? i dun really noe. something familiar happen, but its not fully the same situation. juz struck by the feeling i had in the past. wad i did to it? walk a way and smoke a few cigarettes.
sometimes i feel nobody wan to hear wad i say, i hide everything inside of me, i runaway. sometimes i was never given a chance. so i have to find my own chance instead. pain? a few cigarette will kill the pain. to me? of cos it will. sometimes i feel i tok to myself more den anyone else. sometimes i feel i could smoke away my pain den smile and those problems will sink rite down. nobody to tok to, result? cigarette being my best fren for me. always there when i need them.
sadness and happiness exist in the past, and it will exist in the future. wad happen in the past we cannot change, wad happen in the future we cant predict. wad is in the past, we must learn. wad is in the future, we will use wad we have learn and not repeat the same mistake.
to me life is a lik a huge QnA. questions come in to the mind everytime and i have to search for answers. question without answer will end up being replace by asumptions and asumptions lead me to confusions. only when the answer is found den i will not be confused.
i fallen to the ground so many times and each time i fall i pick myself up, stand up and conitnue to walk foward. i dun really understand why i have the will to live but theres always something telling me live on. all i can say is? life is simple, the only thing hard is living it.
im not lik some one that wants my frens to pity me or worry abt me. i dun care how i feel sometimes. if i see my frens upset abt me it could only mean that i failed them. writing this post is so unlike me. when u hide to much porblems insde of you, its gonna explode 1 day.
